EcceHomoLudens

Time and Too Much Time

2026-09-13T00:00:00Z

I think I have too much time alone. Whenever I am too much free time, I long for making random things. Anyway, when I was walking around the town to survive like a vegetable, I walked into a cemetery.

Someone built a statue by tombstone. She has a pair of dedicated eyes, always gazing into the same direction. Who would have watched the sun everyday?

She must love to be covered in the sun. She must be disappointed, the sun will disappear soon But what's wrong with it?

The sun always comes back. So she always has been waiting. Everyday differs Yet she always has to be here

Will she be sadder each day? Since the day gets shorter and shorter. Will she be happy every day? Simply because there is always a bit of sun. Will she feel lonely? Will she occasionally wants to move, to look at something different?

If I die one day, I hope to have a statue looking into the direction of sunset as well.

FriendsWithHands

2026-09-13T00:00:00Z

Year: 2026 Role: Two People Team with Blathasar
Made with Godot within 48 hours
itch.io: https://jun1015.itch.io/friendswithhands

Friends with Hands is an exciting and questionably single player game. Where you have to shoot hands to hands to defend your hand. What is the theme of the game jam? That will be a mystery that can last for thousands of years.

More info related to gameplay is on the itch.io page.

The part I did include:

Hand pics
Tutorial section and the annoying middle finger
Texture preparation and implementation
Sound Tech
Health Point UI

Feeling Crush

2026-09-11T00:00:00Z

I do not know what a post about the feeling of a crush means on a professional website. On one hand, who cares about professionalism? On the other hand, oh, I'm so getting into trouble with this.

Anyway, I had a crush recently and it didn't go well. Every time I have a crush on someone, I think about them uncontrollably. The absence of attention saddens me, and any signs of care cheer me up. If they liked me back, it would be the best. But that has only happened once for me.

Anyway, I meant to share some of Andrzej Sapkowski's work, namely The Witcher: Sword of Destiny, which was translated by David French. Whenever a crush doesn't work out for me, I'm immediately reminded of these two paragraphs.

‘I always thought it(Jun note: being in love) was a beautiful and noble state of mind, noble and dignified, even if it makes one unhappy. After all, I’ve composed so many ballads about it. And it is organic, Geralt, meanly and heartbreakingly organic. Someone who is ill or who has drunk poison might feel like this. Because like someone who has drunk poison, one is prepared to do anything in exchange for an antidote. Anything. Even be humiliated.’

‘Yes. I feel humiliated, humiliated by having confessed everything to you, disregarding the dignity that demands one suffers in silence. By the fact that my confession caused you embarrassment. I feel humiliated by the fact that you’re embarrassed. But I couldn’t have behaved any differently. I’m powerless. At your mercy, like someone who’s bedridden. I’ve always been afraid of illness, of being weak, helpless, hopeless and alone. I’ve always been afraid of sickness, always believing it the worst thing that could befall me…’

I adore the portrait of losing control being in love. Someday, someday, I will be a philosopher of love while struggling to date.

Messages

2026-09-08T00:00:00Z

Year: 2026
Role: Solo Dev
Made with Godot
itch.io: https://jun1015.itch.io/messages

A philosophical typewriter game with some messages to look at.

Within 24 hours, I made this for the NFTS Game Poems Jam.

Theme is The Other One

Playtime:
at least 3 minutes. (There is no proper ending to the game. You can stop at the 3 minute mark)

Credit:
SFX and BGM - https://not-jam.itch.io/not-jam-music-pack-2
Sharder - https://godotshaders.com/shader/squigglevision/

Design Note
Hard Choice as a concept is dealing with the issue on the other option. Messages are for the other person. What more should I explain?

I had the most focused 8 hours to develop this game.

Gender Trouble...?

2026-09-01T00:00:00Z

If you've seen me around Purdue in 2025, I think you likely have seen me wearing a skirt. I thought it fits me well and looks cool. Well today, I was questioned by a European friend if I am non-binary. I don't like that question, not because it was offensive, but I cannot answer.

What does being non-binary mean anyway? Do I believe that there are more than two genders? Yes. Do I think I am male? Also yes. So I had to answer like I think I'm still male but I think I'm also non-binary. I didn't think it was satisfactory so I went on to explain why I choose to wear it - it's cozy and I ran out of common pants to wear.

Now that I think about it, I don't even have excuse myself of wearing skirts. In the sense I don't have to wait until I have no spare pants to wear a skirt. But just as we don't question a woman's gender when she wears traditionally male suits, I don't think I deserve to be asked about this question. (I hope I'm not crazy to think that it's overall pleasing to see women wearing traditionally man's suits.)

With that being said, I will accept the judgement about the normality of wearing skirts. It's just rare. And I think it is okay. I don't like wearing skirts in China, simply because doing so attracted too much attention on the street. I felt like I was gazed. I also think it's possible to argue whether it's actually good looking. My mom actually questioned about this matter on my selection of earrings. But to ask if I am non-binary simply because of me wearing a skirt was assuming.

The month when I've actually moved to Sweden

2026-08-30T00:00:00Z

I don't have much thoughts on this, actually. Maybe I should start explaining why there is a 9-month-long gap between letters. Short answer: I got lazy. Long answer: I wanted to fully migrate the old site to this one before I write anything new, but I kept postponing the refurnishing process.

Things that happened in between:

I audited class in intentionality and philosophy of music. They are cool. I also find that philosophy of emotions to be more attractive. I got an offer from Uppsala again, yay. And since I'm already in Sweden when writing this, that means that my visa status didn't mess me up this time.
Then there are 4 months of not reading philosophy. I helped my sister playtesting her game. We currently have some closed testing, but if you are interested and I know you already, just message me about it. I will figure something out, trust.
During the 4 months of leisure, I replayed Starcraft II, Seven days to die, Persona 5. I finished Kingdom Come: Deliverance II, Persona 4, Animal Well, Chants of Sennaar, Age of Wonders 4, The Roottrees Are Dead, The Incident At Galley House, and The Case of Golden Idol. I think I might have started a deduction game arc. (and I played too many game s during the few months if you ask me.)
My biggest love belongs to Big Walk, which is a game about walking in a park and solving puzzles with friends. Playing the game is like watching a comedy detective novel.
After many years with the fear of unemployment, a mountain has been relived from my shoulder. I'm proud to announce that I will be working for Tailtone Games, which is a indie game publisher based in Guangzhou. They've published some cool games, you can check them here. I even helped some of the games.
I even brought my Ukulele with me to Uppsala, but I think I might have already been worse because I skipped practicing for 3 months. Oh well.
I'm still taking photographs once in a while. I think it would be better if I can find a way to host them here.
I'm doing well, my families are doing well. I'm still single (but employed). I didn't lose nor get any pets. I think I've run out of major events to talk about at this point.

Now that I've moved to Uppsala, the amount German students were beyond my expectation. Despite the Internet trope about German being socially distancing, I think they are funny and easy to hang out with. I'm quite fond of the German folks I've met so far.

Back when I was in the States, I often feel bad about talking Chinese with my Chinese friend in front of English speakers. My default strategy is to use the language that most people can understand. But the students in Uppsala don't care about it at all.

I haven't talked to any Swedish students yet, I never found any of them, nor would they talk English to me. And for the German friends I aforementioned, they also like to speak German when I was the only one who couldn't understand. At least I got to learn a few words. Genau.

I enjoy a lot of things at Uppsala. The town, despite small, is historical and lively. The Swedish people, despite not liking to speak English, do smile a lot. But there are two things I really really hate - first is the giant hill on my way to the lecture hall. I think that will kill me one day or another. second is that there is no where to go on campus after 7. All libraries are closed for the night. What if I want to study with someone? Going back to the apartment seems anti-productivity. (You can maybe argue that studying together is anti-productivity as well. But I think for a group equal or less than 3 people, it's a productivity boost. The productivity only drops for each person in additional to the OG 3).

I also kind of miss the time to hang out after studying session in the same room. People in Uppsala are not nerdy enough and having too much life.

But I've said enough. Hope you see you if you are around. I will write again when winter comes. (I hope)

I'm already in Sweden!

2026-08-27T00:00:00Z

I think I know what was my favorite memory at Purdue now. Me and a few friends would hangout at WALC just to hangout and study together. I don't think we have 24 hour study center at Uppsala, and I don't think too many people will join me to do that kind of study session anymore. Oh well.

I'm about to go to sweden!

2026-08-01T00:00:00Z

遮罩 – Masks

2026-02-27T00:00:00Z

Year: 2026
Role: Solo Dev
Made with Godot
itch.io: https://yaoyaoyt.itch.io/mask

This was made for Global Game Jam 2026 with the theme – Masks. All the stuffs are either made from scratch by myself or borrowed from other artists (e.g. some shaders and the background music.)

Speaking of which, big shout out to https://loyaltyfreakmusic.com/. Terrific Musics. And websites also inspired me to remake my blog into something like that.

As someone who was reading Carl Jung and has played Persona 5 before. It would be more than Cliché to talk about social masks and persona. So I decided to go with literal interpretations of masks and to give my own spiel about the ontology of masks.

I think in some way, it turned out to be game poem. But that’s neither very gameful or poetic. There is no need to reconcile that though.

Presentation Revist Playfulness

2026-01-01T00:00:00Z

Here is the presentation I gave at the American Society for Aesthetics Rocky Mountain Division Meeting in 2025. I took my time and enjoyed Santa Fe.

Text

2026 New Year Resolution

2025-12-31T00:00:00Z

Intro:

I wrote a lengthy NewYear Resolution by the end of 2025. But it was in Chinese. I think it would go to waste if I don't publish it here.

I don't like AI so I'm going to provide a proofread machine translated version, attaching the original one in the end. But translate with AI at your will.

New Year Report

I counted the New Years I've lived through, and I can only recall sixteen. To remember all sixteen New Year's Eves is like memorizing the twelve zodiac animals—I'd be lucky to name two or three. Not knowing the zodiac animals and not knowing how to play mahjong are both disgraceful to my Chinese identity, but I've accepted this shame and swallowed it down along with the tanghulu I've been craving lately. Fortunately, my stomach is always strong, and this level of inadequacy isn't enough to break my digestive system.

However, on another note, at the end of December, I spent seven days straight writing a paper I don't even know how to write. Before writing, I was full of enthusiasm, feeling my ideas were complete and I could fiercely attack other people's viewpoints; while writing, I discovered the paper was riddled with holes, and the more I wrote, the less I knew what I was writing; after finishing, I realized I'd only cited two authors, and after a brief period of existential doubt, I swallowed this humiliation as well. But regardless, I found my creative juice overflow. So, taking advantage of the New Year, I'll say everything I want to say in one go—to re-examine this year and then solemnly announce my New Year's wishes.

This year, like Beijing's winter, has been unpredictable—from bright sunshine to biting winds in just one night. But regardless, Beijing's winter isn't as suffocating as West Lafayette's, which resembles Siberia's. The sun here, though dry, is much warmer.

Introduction

From a writing perspective, I worry that breaking the entire year down into twelve months would be tedious. From a practical perspective, I worry that I won't remember the differences between January, February, and March. This period feels like a sticky, mushy mess. Of course, I could retell the story from my diary at the time. But who wants to listen to such a rambling account? I wouldn't even dare hand over such a story to my future self, let alone others. What's the point of writing if I'm ashamed of what I've written? Even today, I feel embarrassed about writing philosophical papers and making games, but I still want to do these things. However, it seems everyone quite likes my games, but nobody reads my philosophical papers, so I'm not really embarrassed; I just feel I could do even better. January is generally a joyful month—the end of three months of applications and a month of isolation. I began the new semester, free, joyful, and tinged with the bittersweet sadness of impending graduation. But I didn't think that way at the time. Just before the start of the semester, I wrote this in my diary:

I originally thought this holiday would be like drying a sponge, putting a damp, sticky sponge in the sun to be brutally tortured by sun rays. Four weeks later, the dried sponge would be able to reabsorb a lot of liquid from who-knows-where, which will definitely be interesting. But now it feels like putting a damp, sticky sponge at the bottom of a sink, repeatedly soaking the same unsettling liquid. Tomorrow is the start of school, and I feel completely unprepared, nothing has ended, nothing is over—everything seems like a passing cloud. This mental state is somewhat precarious.

Perhaps my literary talent began to subtly shine back then, but only now am I truly facing my desire to express myself. The thing I did most in January was stay up past midnight watching Detective Conan for hours on end. I was very lonely then, at least I seem to be now, because I often found myself going a whole day without talking to anyone. Occasionally I would cook for myself and find food truly wonderful. In the afternoons, I would stare blankly at my stagnant graduate school application, procrastinating, which resulted in me starting to watch Detective Conan. Because of the weather, the experience of huddled under the covers in a very cold room was as memorable as drinking an ice-cold soda in the summer.

Of course, I also read during that month. Because I really like Tomihiko Morimi, I bought a lot of books at the end of 2024. Even now, I've only finished The Tatami Galaxy, but I realized my procrastination with reading and picked up Run, Melos!, which I finished reading. This book modernizes many classic Japanese novels—for example, it reinterprets Atsushi Nakajima's The Moon Over the Mountain from the perspective of a university student. I remember that person who became detached from society, unwilling to take concrete action, afraid that his talents would be crushed if put into practice, turning into a beast, reflecting on this statement:

If one is mediocre, the rest of one's life will be too long; if one desires to achieve something, life will be too short.

Besides birthdays, the New Year is probably the time that most reminds one of age.

Philosophy

Actually, I don't even know when I decided I wanted to study philosophy. I remember the first time I asked my favorite professor about graduate school. He was sitting in his office, with a coffee machine at the far end, two bookshelves filled with books on his right and left, and stacks of papers and books piled alternately on his desk. His office wasn't very organized, but I actually found this messy appearance more vibrant. My professor was the kind of person who would rub his face if he got excited during a conversation. When I asked about graduate school, his expression turned serious, and he sighed deeply. He gently placed his glasses on the desk, rubbed his face, and sighed repeatedly. Then he left the office and went to the professor next door, leaving me alone in his office, lost in thought. When he came back, he said the professor thought I could study philosophy.

I asked him why his reaction was so frightening. He said hearing me ask about graduate school was like finding out his best friend had decided to join the army.

This didn't happen in February. But since the theme for February was philosophy of art, it would be a shame not to mention it. However, as I said, my memories of January, February, and March are all mixed up, simply because school life was too repetitive. I spent most of my weekends playing games and reading.

I have a paper advocating that at appropriate times, one should let go of indecisiveness and choose the option of least resistance. Although it's an ethical advancement, I used a very playful term—"Playfulness," which could perhaps be translated as "just playing." This is certainly not the condescending contempt of "Beijingers are all high and mighty, spending their days eating and playing, nothing else," but rather a humble perspective. To recite her:

Playfulness is, in part, an openness to being a fool, which is a combination of not worrying about competence, not being self-important, not taking norms as sacred and finding ambiguity and double edges a source of wisdom and delight

This year, I recommended the coin-flipping decision-making method to many people. Some really liked it, while others simply envied my ability to make decisions with this attitude. Perhaps this is the most direct benefit of studying philosophy. I'm not sure if this implies a sense of class superiority. But I've never felt particularly good at philosophy; I simply enjoy the topics scholars research and discussing them with those around me, and that's how I gradually drifted down this path.

Regarding February itself, I played Lethal Company for a long time, watched Little Witch Academia, and made a mini-game. On the day I received my first offer, this is how I recorded it:

I love everyone, and I have so many delicate thoughts I don't know how to express here.

My life is like being on a road, constantly moving. Everyone shines in their own way, while I become very scattered and don't do much. But looking up at the rooftops, I see layers of light reflecting off the sun and clouds. If the world can respond to me with this image, my life has never been bad.

When the weather is nice, you should go out more. Walk on roads no one would expect, walk on roads you don't even know you know.

Regarding graduation, this is what I said:

After the brief, rosy campus life of last semester ended, after a busy day, I would always think about graduating. First, I felt happy, having met so many lovely and interesting people. Then the memory of leaving comes, and everything I've done seems like fleeting, hazy memory.

This state of mind is like traveling in Athens/finishing a book/watching 10 seasons of Friends—a startling realization of my own insignificance, yet a feeling of a bright future and a promising outlook. Looking back on the entire journey, I find myself unclear about the path I've taken.

Games

Just as February wasn't particularly philosophical, March wasn't particularly game-oriented.

But this was definitely my most game-focused January this year—I completed my graduation project, a narrative game where I played as an AI; I attended the annual Game Developers Conference (GDC), which I doubt I'll be going again in 2026. At the end of GDC, when saying goodbye to the volunteer boss, I created a rather ambiguous atmosphere. I said wistfully that this might be my last time at GDC. I always inexplicably go to strange events, and I can't even explain why. But I'm lucky; I always encounter the kindest people who guide me.

The volunteer boss, unable to tolerate such sensitive topics, quickly stopped me, saying, "Because you don't know what to do with yourself, you'll definitely come back in your own way."

You will always find the people you want to meet.

But back to games, I still want to create something, though it doesn't necessarily have to be a game. Zine, poetry, and this—these are all forms of creation, and nobody's going to pay me anyway. Thinking about it, if a game I make ever reaches the point where it can be released on Steam, I probably wouldn't feel comfortable charging a lot of money. In short, as long as people like my games, that's fine; how much they're willing to pay is up to fate. But that wouldn't count as work.

In my year-end game report, I kept thinking I didn't play many new games this year, but I played more than last year. Besides Dota 2 and Warhammer, which I've been playing consistently, I also tried Elsinore, Mount & Blade II: Bannerlord, Warheim, Silent Hill 2, Terraria, and a bunch of multiplayer games. As this is a year-end report, I won't go into detail about my experience with each game. I can only take this opportunity to recommend Elsinore and Silent Hill 2, and to thank my friends who will still be playing games with me in 2025.

The strangest thought I had about games this year was that narrative games seem to overlap with the imaginative demands of reading. If I read a lot, I'm less inclined to actively play a narrative game, but for mechanic-based games like Warhammer, Terraria, and Dota 2, the bar to entry isn't as high. This might be why I haven't played Disco Elysium yet—I'm not ready to appreciate it.

Commemoration

April is a month of endings and farewells—farewells to classmates, professors, clubs, and university life.

Strictly speaking, I stayed in the US until July, so April wasn't a true farewell to America. Even so, many farewells to friends occurred at the end of the semester.

The reason I call April a commemoration, besides the farewell factor, is also because I bought a new used camera. When I first went to San Francisco in March, a friend who accompanied me packed up his Sony camera. On the last afternoon of the summit, we decided to leave early, taking a bus along San Francisco's steep streets to the Golden Gate Bridge. I admired the way he took photos. What admiration could prevent you from becoming the same? So, at the end of the trip, I bought my own camera. So, in April, when I had nothing to do, I would wander around the school, taking some not-so-great photos. In hindsight, some shots could only be taken in West Lafayette on an afternoon.

Oh, right, I also made the decision about where to go for graduate school in April. Perhaps from that moment on, my future path was already determined. Anyway, in order to stay in touch with people who care about me after graduation, I had a tendency to start my own news blog. But at the time, I hadn't announced it to anyone.

So far, at a frequency of about one update every forty-five days, I've published three NewsLetters. Almost no one gave me any feedback, so I'm not sure if anyone actually read them—some friends who didn't expect to read them did, sharing their recent feelings; some glanced at them and later asked me; some always forgot to read them.

It seems every ending is worth commemorating. Then the ritual of recording became increasingly complex, the focus increasingly tedious. Most of the pressure of commemoration was relieved through diaries; the remaining small portion, the lingering ones, saw the light of day in this way.

Farewell is commemorated through remembering.

Travel

I got sick during my trip and graduation ceremony. I had a cold from the day I left school until I returned and developed pneumonia. Being sick isn't anything to reminisce about, of course, but playing Half-Life 2 while dizzy reminded me of when I was a child, sick and staying home watching TV in the sun.

Many of my travel experiences have already been mentioned above—in early March, on a whim, I dragged a classmate to the Aesthetics Summit; a week later, I returned to the same city for the Game Developers Conference; after a quiet period at school until the end of the semester, I went to Boston alone, watching the buildings disappear into the fog, and even walked along the Freedom Trail to the final cathedral. (Those familiar with Fallout 4 might recognize this place). Afterwards, I attended PAX with a classmate.

Then I joined my family's trip to the US, but from the second day onwards, I became aware of the unresolved family conflicts. However, considering the overall style of this article and my positive attitude towards life in 2026, I won't go into the details here—every family has its own troubles.

Interspersed within the family trip was my graduation ceremony, and me shivering with a fever at the ceremony. After the family trip, I was idle at home, playing Terraria for a very long time, and finally, I traveled alone to Santa Fe to give my first speech at the Aesthetics Summit. However, I only finished writing the speech the night before.

Of course, I also went to Guangzhou in November.

Now

Of course, there's still a lot to say about this year. For example, work (my colleagues are super nice, and the work itself is quite interesting), starting to learn the ukulele (intensive practice), and dating (I didn't get to do many things I wanted to do). There are also many random thoughts I'd like to share. However, considering the following reasons, I've decided to shorten it:

There are only two hours until the New Year, and I don't want to be agonizing over my 2025 New Year's report in 2026. Posting it during this transition is the best approach.
Many of the things mentioned above happened recently and haven't had much time to settle. Writing it all down at once would make it even less coherent than what I'm writing now.

I'm not sure if anyone will read this New Year's review, which could be explained in two sentences, after I've broken it down and rambled on for so long.

Thank you to my parents (even though family conflicts remain unresolved), thank you to my sister (unconditionally), thank you to my childhood friend (we're still friends after all these years, that's wonderful), thank you to all my friends, thank you to my family, and thank you to myself for still being willing to say these things. In conclusion...

New Year's Wishes

To be able to go to graduate school
To learn a foreign language (Japanese, Greek, or Swedish, I think.)
To become proficient in the ukulele
To complete a psychological counseling training program (not very useful, but I'm very interested in it)
To do a Game-A-Week for a month
To learn how to make maps using the Source engine
To rebuild and build my own blog. (Added January 9th; New Year's wishes added within a month should also count.)

中文

我细数了一下自己活过的新年，其实有印象的也就十六个。要让我全记住这十六个跨年夜跟背十二生肖一样，能说出俩仨就不错了。不会背十二生肖跟不会打麻将这两件事有辱我中国人的身份，但是我已经接纳了这份耻辱，就着最近老想着吃的糖葫芦一起咽进肚子里了。索性我肠胃一直很好，这种程度不堪不足以击垮我的消化系统。

不过话又说回来了，在十二月底，连七着天写完了一个不知道怎么样的论文。写之前兴致勃勃，我感觉我的创意十分完备，可以猛攻别人的观点；写的时候发现论文的东南西北角都漏风，于是越写越不知道自己写的是什么；写完之后发现自己只引用了两个作者，短暂地怀疑人生之后把这份屈辱也吃进了肚子里。但不论如何，我发现自己的创作欲望被点燃了。于是趁着新年，一口气地把想说的话都说出来——重新梳理一遍今年，再郑重的宣布新年愿望。

今年一整年都像是北京的冬天一样，难以预测——从艳阳高照到寒风凛凛只需要一个晚上。但不管怎样北京的冬天也没有西拉法叶那如同隔壁西伯利亚的冬天熬人。这里的太阳虽然干燥，但暖和多了。

总起

从写作的角度来说，我担忧把一整年拆成十二个月份来叙述的方式显得拖沓。从现实的角度，我担心一方面根本不记得一月二月三月到底有什么区别。这段时间像是糨糊一样糯糯唧唧的混在了一起。我当然能根据当时的日记来重新讲述当时的故事。可这样的流水账又有谁爱听呢？这样的故事别说别人了，连未来的我都不好意思递出去。写出来的东西自己看都害羞还写些什么呢？虽然哪怕到今天，我也对我写哲学论文和做游戏这件事感到不好意思，但我还是想做这些事情。不过大家好像都还挺喜欢我做的游戏，根本没人读我的哲学论文，所以我也没有真的不好意思，只不过觉得自己还做的还能更好一些。

一月总归是一个让人欢喜的月份——结束了长达三个月的申请和一个月的与世隔绝。我自由地充满欣喜地，还带着隐隐即将毕业的忧伤，开始了新学期。只不过当时的我没这么想，刚刚准备开学的时候我在日记里写下这段话：

原本以为这个假期像是晒海绵，把原本潮湿黏糊糊的海绵放到太阳下面，让紫外线狠狠地拷打。四个礼拜之后干燥的海绵就可以重新吸入很多不知道哪里来的但是肯定会很有趣的液体。但是现在却觉得只不过是把原本就潮湿黏滑的海绵放到水池底部，反复地咀嚼着同样的，让人不安的液体。明天就要开学了，完全没有调整的样子，没有离开，没有结束，一切都像过往云烟一样。这样的精神状况有些岌岌可危欸。

或许我的文学素养从当时就开始隐隐地发散光芒，只不过直到现在我才真的认真地面对自己想要表达的欲望。一月里做的最多的事情就是晚上过了12点之后不睡觉，开始连着看好几个小时的柯南。当时我的很孤独，至少我现在来看很孤独，因为经常会碰上一整天不和人说话的情况。我偶尔会给自己做饭，然后觉得食物真是美好。下午会看着自己没有进展的研究生申请发呆拖延，拖延的结果是开始看柯南。因为天气的原因，在很冷的房间里缩在被子的体验就像是在夏天里喝冷汽水一样印象深刻。

当然这一个月我也在看书，因为很喜欢森见登美彦，于是在2024年底买了很多书。即便到现在也只读完了《四叠半神话大系》，但当时我的意识到了一直拖延的读书问题，把他写的《奔跑吧，梅洛斯》捡起来读完了。这本书现代化了很多经典日本小说——比如用大学生的身份重新演绎了中岛敦关于人变成野兽的《山月记》。记得那个脱离社会，不愿做出实事，害怕自己的才能一实践就会被击垮的，变成野兽的人反思到这样一句话：

碌碌无为，则余生太长；欲有所为，则人生苦短。

除了生日，最让人能想到年龄的就是新年了吧。

哲学

其实我也不知道自己是什么时候决定自己想读哲学的。我还记得我第一次问跟我关系最好的教授有关研究生的事情的情景。他坐在办公室里，办公室最里面放着一台咖啡机，右边和左边都有两个书架摆满了书，面前的书桌上交替堆叠了一摞论文和书。他办公室没那么整洁，但是我反而觉得这种乱糟糟的模样才更有活力。我教授是那种如果聊天激动了会忍不住揉脸的人。当我一开口问研究生，他的面色凝重，长叹一口气。他把眼镜轻轻地放在了桌子上，揉了揉脸，期间伴随着段段叹息。随后他走出了门，到了隔壁教授的办公室，只留我一个人在他的办公室里发呆。他回来后说，那个教授觉得你可以读哲学。

我问他为什么反应如此让人恐惧。他说，听我问读研究生就像是知道自己好朋友决定参军了一样。

这件事没发生在二月。但既然二月的主题是艺术哲学，不提这件事情觉得很可惜。不过就像我说的，一月二月三月的记忆糊在了一起，原因仅仅在于上学的生活过于重复。周末的时间大多也被我拿去打游戏和读书了。

我有一篇论文在劝说该在合适的一些时候放弃纠结，选择阻力最小的抉择。虽然是一个伦理上的进展，但我用了很游戏化的词汇——“Playfulness”，或许可以翻译成 ”就是玩儿“。这当然不是”北京的爷就是爷，一整天不是吃就是玩儿，没别哒“的阶级上居高临下的蔑视，而是一种平凡的视野。用我自己的话来翻译Maria Lugones的一段论文就是

所谓Playfulness就是接受自己可能无知和出丑的开放。这种开放是不再在意竞争力，不再自视甚高，不再把规范和规则视为神圣，和重新在模糊和有利有弊的朦胧情形中寻找智慧和快乐。

今年给很多人安利了丢硬币决策法。有人特别喜欢，还有人只是羡慕我能以这种态度做出决定。可能这就是读哲学的最直接的收获。我不确定这是否暗含了一种阶级优越。但我从来也没觉得自己很会做哲学，只不过自己喜欢学者研究的话题，喜欢跟身边的人一起讨论这些事情，就慢慢地漂到这条路上了。

关于二月本身，我玩了很久致命公司，看了小魔女学园，做了小游戏收到第一封Offer当天，我是这样记录的:

我爱大家，还有好多细腻的心思不知道该怎么写在这里自己的生活就像在路上停不下来，大家都有自己的方式闪闪发光，反而我自己变得很涣散，做的事情也不多，但是抬头从房顶上看到太阳与云相互遮挡映照出的层层光芒。如果世界还能以这种画像回应我，我的生活从来就没有糟糕过。天气好，就该多出门走走。走些谁都想不到的路，走些自己都不知道的路。

关于毕业，我是这么说的：

从上个学期短暂的玫瑰色校园生活结束之后，忙了一天之后的晚上总会想起自己要毕业的事情。先是感觉自己是幸福的，遇到了很多既可爱又有趣的人。随后又会记起自己要离开，做的一切事情都会像是过往云烟一样，飘渺，模糊。这种精神状态像是在雅典旅行/看完书/10季老友记一样，惊觉自己的渺小，又觉得前途坦荡，未来可期，回看整段旅途却发现自己也不清楚一路走来的轨迹。

游戏

就像二月没有很哲学，三月也没有很游戏。

但这确实是我今年游戏氛围最浓一月了——做了毕设，一个扮演AI的叙事游戏；去了一年一度游戏开发者大会(GDC)，想必在2026不会再去了。GDC结束时，跟志愿者boss告别的时候，我把气氛搞得很暧昧。我惆怅地说，这可能是我最后一次来GDC了。我总是莫名其妙地去一些奇怪的活动，连我自己也说不清是为了些什么。但是我很幸运，我总能遇到最善良的人带着我找到方向。

志愿者boss听不得这种敏感的话，连忙打住我，说，因为你也不知道该拿自己怎么办，所以你肯定会用你自己的办法回来的。

想见的人总会再见。

不过说回游戏，我还是想做些什么东西出来，但其实也不必要非得是游戏。Zine，诗歌，还有这个，都是创作吧，反正也没人会付我钱。想一想以后如果做的游戏真的做到了可以上steam的阶段，我好像也不会好意思收很多钱。总之做游戏有人喜欢就好，他们愿意为这个付多少钱看缘分也是不错的。不过这样就不能算是工作了。

年末的游戏报告上，一直觉得自己今年没玩什么新游戏，但比起去年玩的游戏数量更多了。除了一直在玩的dota2和战锤，今年还尝试了Elsinore，骑砍2，瓦尔海姆，寂静岭2，泰拉瑞亚，和一众联机游戏。作为年末报告，我就不花更多篇幅来仔细分析每个游戏的体验了。只能趁着这个机会推荐Elsinore和寂静岭2和感谢那些还能在2025年陪我玩游戏的朋友们。

今年关于游戏的最离奇的想法是：叙事游戏对于想象力的需求似乎和阅读的想象力需求重叠了，如果我读书读很多的话，其实不太想主动去玩一个叙事游戏，但对于机制类的，像是战锤，泰拉瑞亚，dota2这种理解起来的门槛就没这么高。可能这就是我拖到今天还没有玩极乐迪斯科的原因——我还没有准备好去欣赏。

纪念

四月是收尾和告别的月份——跟同学告别，跟教授告别，跟社团告别，跟大学生涯告别。严格来说，我在美国留到了七月份，所以四月算不上是真正地和美国告别。即便如此，与很多朋友的告别都发生在了学期结束之时。

之所以管四月叫做纪念，除了告别的因素，还在于我新买了一台二手的相机。在三月第一次去旧金山的时候，随行的朋友收拾了他的索尼相机。在峰会的最后一个下午，我们决定提前闪人，坐着大巴，沿着旧金山的陡峭街道到金门大桥走一圈。我欣赏他拍照时的模样。有什么样的欣赏会拒绝你变成同样的人？于是在旅行结束时也买了自己的相机。于是在四月闲来无事时，就会在学校周围乱逛，拍一些并不伟大的作品。以现在的经验来看，有些镜头的确只能在西拉法叶的下午拍到。

噢，对了，我在四月还做出了研究生去哪里的决定。或许从那时起，我之后的轨迹就已经被决定了。不论如何，为了在毕业之后还能跟在意我的人保持联系，我在心里产生了一个倾向——干脆写一个自己的新闻博客吧。但当时我还没跟任何人宣布。

至今为止，按着四十五天左右一更的频率，已经连载了三期了。几乎没有人给过我什么反馈，所以我也不太确定还有没有人认真读他们——有没预想过会看的朋友读了，给我分享了Ta最近的感受，有扫了一眼后来问我的朋友，有总是忘了读的人。

好像每一件事情的结束都值得纪念。然后记录的仪式变得越来越复杂，关注的点越来越繁琐。有大部分纪念的压力靠着日记卸了出去，剩下的一小撮，消散不掉的，就靠着这种方式以见天日。

告别通过记录完成纪念。

旅行

在旅行和毕业典礼的时候生了病。我从离开学校的那天开始感冒，直到再次回到学校患上肺炎。生病当然没有什么值得怀念的事情，但头晕时玩半条命2的提样让我想起了小时候生病请假在家一边晒太阳看电视的记忆。

很多旅行的经历已经在上文提到过了——在三月初，一时兴起喊着同学参加了美学峰会；一个礼拜之后又回到同一座城市参加了游戏开发者大会；在学校沉寂到学期末，一个人去了波士顿，望着在迷雾里消失的建筑，还沿着自由之路行走，走到了最终的大教堂。（熟悉辐射4的朋友或许会对这里有印象）。之后跟着同学参加了PAX展。

再之后加入了家族的美国之行，但从第二天开始就意识到了至今也没有解决的家庭矛盾。不过考虑到整个文章的风格和2026年积极向上的生活态度，具体发生了什么就不再这里多赘述了——每个家庭都有些自己的烦恼罢了。

在家庭旅行中间穿插了毕业典礼和在毕业典礼上因为发烧而颤抖的我。家庭旅行结束后赋闲在家，玩了很久很久的泰拉瑞亚，最后又一个人旅行去了Santa Fe在美学峰会上做了第一次演讲。只不过演讲的内容是我在演讲前一晚才赶完的。

当然还在十一月去了一趟广州。

现在

当然今年还有很多事情可以说。比如说工作（同事超级好，工作内容也算有趣），比如说开始学尤克里里（高强度爬格子），比如Dating（很多自己想做到的事情没有做到）。也有很多莫名其妙的想法想跟着这些一起说出来。但是考虑到以下几个原因，决定缩减一下：

还有两个小时就到新年了，不想在2026纠结2025年的新年报告。趁着交替之际发出来效果最好。
上述很多事情也是最近才发生的，没经历过什么沉淀。一股脑全写出来会比现在写的还没有头绪。

我也不太清楚两句话能讲清楚的新年回顾被我拆开来揉碎说了这么多还有没有人会看。感谢爸爸妈妈（哪怕家庭矛盾悬而未决）感谢姐姐（无条件）感谢发小（这么多年还是朋友，真好）感谢一起玩的朋友们，感谢家人，感谢还愿意把这些话说出来的自己。在最后的最后，就用新年愿望来结束报告吧。

新年愿望

有学上
学一门外语（日语，希腊语，瑞典语任选）
熟练尤克里里
完成心理咨询培训（没什么用，但是很感兴趣）
做Game-A-Week 一个月
学会用起源引擎做地图‘
自己重新编译搭博客。（1-09 新加，一个月内加的新年愿望应该也算吧。）

The month with new habbits

2025-11-01T00:00:00Z

If you see this, it means that I've not fully started working on my grad school application yet, as this is the procrastination. But anyway, hope everything is going well for you! Let me know what's going on (if you want, of course. I'm happy to hear more. It would still be nice to say hi >:D )

I also procrastinated this for almost the entire November. I hoped to finished this before working on my writing samples. So, by the fact I just got this done, I haven't been able to work on my paper neither.

Here are the brief summaries of what I've done/gone through:

Work : I'm still alive after 60 days of working. Congratulation! My coworkers are nice, and my bosses sometimes are hard to grasp but they are nice as well.
1. Note: I work as a data analyst intern in a mid-size game studio in Beijing. My job is mainly just using SQL to make tables and reports for my designer colleagues. I can't imagine myself designing the game I'm working for (for it is moneymaking and evil). So I'm only working on the data part. Plus, it can be very argumentative to prove a point with data compellingly.
2. Note 2: I want to work on games, but I've not gotten any chances to. I've some game ideas. Which I will work on. I promise.
Auditing Class in Beijing University: This is one of the best things happened to me after I'm out of school to go. I've learned a lot, and it has also kept me sane from working. So, I really appreciate the person who let me audit and the person who introduced me to this
1. Note: for the sake of privacy, which I'm more or less very obnoxious about recently(explained later), I'm not putting names here. So, treat this as if you know, you know type of writing.
Nietzsche Reading Group: Me and two more friends reading Nietzsche. We just finished Beyond Good and Evil, hooray. My reaction to Nietzsche's writing: What the hell is he talking about😭😭 Wow, he is so right😎😎What the hell is he talking about😭😭 Wow, he is so right😎😎 (in repeat)
Dating: The fore-mentioned person dumped me, lol. Almost 365 days later I was dumped last time. To point out a few reasons for this time: someone is overly anxious(namely, me), lost interest(not me), not ready for a committed relationship because of the current life stage(not me). But anyway, however sad it was, I think I learnt something I otherwise wouldn't know about myself in the end, so I guess it's not bad. And I started seeing a new person(fortunately or unfortunately).
Learning Ukulele: by the time I'm writing, I've sort of stopped, because of what happened at event No.10. But anyway, I found playing Ukulele, despite it being dramatically small in my arms, was cool.
Writing short poems: Inspired by the Japanese Poet Ishikawa Takuboku, I started writing my own short poems in Chinese. Most of the them are just about slice of life. But they are in Chinese. I will show them to you if you ask though.
1. Note: Ishikawa Takuboku (to my experience) was a very creative and sensitive poet. He passed away at a very young age. Some of his poems are in the appendix.
Blood Donation: I donated 400 cc. That's was it. I wanted to do that in the States but they wouldn't let me for the first three years. Donating blood made me feel I'm more connected to the world.
Workshop on Games& Education: It's a 50 people size workshop hosted by Mengfei Liu from Beijing Normal University. It's like what Phil 11005 did - make playing games a part of the teaching. But I had a sense that the people at this event are treating play not as play anymore...
Trip to Guangdong: My sister is making an indie game - Meowzic SurvivorIt's a music-based roguelike game. She was invited to host a booth at a culture market in Guangdong to show case, but she got too busy. So, she sent me there. Guangdong is nice, I didn't want to come back to Beijing anymore. But anyway, wishlist my sister's game!
Sickness: I became sick and weak the week after I came back from Guangdong. Take care.
Grad School Applications: This is going. Good luck to me and whoever is applying this year and reading this part. I need to come up with a new writing sample. But that's manageable, I wrote the entirety of this document in one sit through, so I can probably finish that in four sit-throughs 😤😤.

The End

Hew, it was still a lot. I suppose I do can talk a lot. Hew.

Sometime last month, I ran into a very subtle way of answering "What kind of people should do philosophy?". It goes like "the kind who always doubt themselves, but nonetheless devotes themselves to philosophy." It reminds me of Socrates and Nietzsche, as the counter-example though.

Sometime in November, on my way back from work to home, I was thinking about that I stopped "doing philosophy." In some sense, outside of the auditing, most people around me do not seem wanting to engage in a philosophy discussion. Even though I do discuss with someone, the conversation couldn't last long.

Take this to say that I miss Philosophy Club, and the philosophy department.

Here is one thought I had and I couldn't have a conversation about. What does it mean to keep a secret? To what extent does it count as breaching the trust or oversharing? Should we keep secret at all? And when does it becomes a dedicated lie? These thoughts were generated after I wrongfully and unwillingly conveyed some secrets.

And I also read Nussbaum's article The Professor of Parody(1999) attacking Judith Butler. I don't think she had a very charitable reading about Butler, but reading the complains about the bad writing in the beginning was so much fun.

Anyway. Thanks for reading this far. Wishlist my sister's game (or ask me for the demo). And please say hi and stay in touch! Love and Peace. And happy Thanksgiving or not, depending on if you are American.

Ishikawa's Poem

From: Takuboku: Poems to Eat, 1972,Takuboku Ishikawa (writer), Carl Sesar(Translator).

I talked casually you listened the same-- that was all

somehow tomorrow will be better -- yeah, sure... I go to sleep

accidentally broke a teacup-- reminds me how good it feels to break things

doctor says 'Well now, tired of living?' I keep my mouth shut

wife and friends must think it's pretty sad-- sick, I keep talking of the Revolution

wrote GREAT in the sand a hundred times forgot about dying and went on home

The month I've (semi-seriously) started a job.

2025-10-01T00:00:00Z

It is October 1st in China, which means I'm about to have an 8-day national holiday. What will be a better opportunity to write my seasonal update than now? In short, I have made peace with the fact I'm not going to Sweden (but the dread of doing applications again still haunts me), started an Internship in the game industry in Beijing, and started dating someone (this could mean a lot).

I'm not sure if all these would be too "personal" to share, but I might as well treat this as a publicized Stoic reflection. But practically speaking, I'm also not sure if posting this on the Internet will be safe. I'll try not to mention specific things, but if you are curious (and I also know you well), feel free to ask me and tell me how things are going for you as well.

Reconciliation

Existentially or deterministically speaking, I couldn't write about this if I succeeded in going to Sweden. So I can't really complain about it desperately. If I don't have to apply for schools again, I think I would be subtly happier than now.

I might have spoken too much about it to the fact that it becomes pretentious, in the sense that I might still be upset/anxious about not knowing where I am going (again). Anyway, I'm doing more than fine now with this forced gap year.

Workism and Idleness

I didn't exactly know how much each meal cost until I started managing my own finances. I was (kind of, maybe, a bit more) loose during college in the sense that I didn't really oversee every cent I spent (which may have led to some waste of money). And suddenly I gain the anxiety to not overspend (Spoiler: I already did). I suppose I have to learn how much money is worth sooner or later.

In terms of the content of the job, I'm surprised that I can actually work in the game industry after all the twists, including not getting any interns in the States, making some random games, and getting a degree in Philosophy.

The position is not, by any means, related to game design (such as level design, narrative design, system design, etc.). It's more like operational management for a game. The content of the job is to respond to customers' requests related to the database, such as the purchase history, why the loot-box system didn't drop anything, reports of cheaters and inappropriate behaviors, or why some items went missing, etc.. My colleagues would do something a little bit more complicated, such as register events into the game database, make charts and reports to analyze market feedback, and make adjustments to the event schedule.

I think this job actually works better with me for several reasons:

I don't think I'm a good fit for most game studios in China. In the sense that it would be hard for me to readjust my ideal of game design to solving problems for the sake of maximizing profit. I don't have enough data to support the idea that all the studios in China are like that, but it appears that most of them are. So it might be better for me to draw some distinctions between the ideals of game design.
Considering the nature of the philosophy job market, I found it helpful to know how to do operational work. Even though this job is not philosophical at all, I can still develop the skill set of planning and data analysis. And they kindly allow me to work remotely on Monday and Tuesday so that I can audit at a University. (Thanks, J. GL, for connecting me, and M.R.for allowing me to audit in their class.)

Philosophy of Love in Practice

I posted a note on Xiaohongshu (Red Book, which is a platform in China very similar to Instagram) on the Saturday before I got interviewed about looking for dates. Long story short, it somewhat works. My personal description turned out to be much more sincere than people expected. And I got very lucky not to get scammed.

I didn't really like the idea of situationship at all. It's hard for me to imagine that people temporarily get together but are also ready to move on at any available time. But maybe it is just the remnant of monogamy. But I concur there will be more nuance than that.

For the sake of privacy, I will not speak too much about the date itself. All I can say is it's going well, maybe very well after the second date.

I do like to share the irony of reading Byung-Chul Han's Agony of Love. In a nutshell, it's a post-modern analysis of the place of love (Eros) challenged by the capitalistic society - an erasure of otherness into the same. I never read those post-modernists, so my understanding of otherness roughly aligns with Parmenides' notion of "nothing is not". (Sideway: Alain Badiou wrote the preface for this book, whose book, In Praise of Love, is referenced in this book(which I presented at Philosophy Club))

It is powerful to see how much I've missed in the adjacent to love, or how much I've done wrong in the name of "love" (which turned out to just be desires). I very much like the idea that love (eros) should not only amount to just "warmth, intimacy, and pleasant arousal" [^1].

There is so much potential in love, not just romantic love, any kind of love that reminds us of the otherness, as Han puts it, "The eros-driven soul produces beautiful things and, above all, beautiful actions, which have a universal value[^2]".

A person who has lost love is "a survivor like the undead: too dead to live, and too alive to die".[^3]

Conclusion

To cheer things up a bit, how are you doing recently? Please say hi sometime! I just ran into Saint Etienne's latest (and the final) album. I found them very cheerful, so I will just share one of them here. Hope everything goes well for you. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_HzZhhXzN48&list=RD_HzZhhXzN48&start_radio=1

I will write again when the leaves turn yellow.

[^1]: Agony of Eros, p.33

[^2]: Agony of Eros, p.43

[^3]: Agony of Eros, p.26

The month when I'm no longer moving.

2025-09-01T00:00:00Z

I like to make jokes about how it sounds more profound and serious to say "I'm moving to Sweden" than "I'm going to Sweden."

In the past month, I've been thinking when would be a good frequency to update this blog. In some aspects, quite a few things happened that I would like to share, but I fear that if I update too frequently it would be annoying.

I'm no longer certain that if my English sounds rusty, because I do feel rusty as I'm writing.

Sweden Drama

There is the cliché about writing a last wish. It goes like, "If you see this letter, it means I'm already dead," etc., etc. I figured it would make sense to most of the communication: "if you hear this, it means I'm hungry" or "if you see this email, then I need your help."

And this blog is saying - if you see this blog, then it means I'm no longer going to Sweden to continue my master degree.

In short, my application for the Swedish Residence Permit did not receive any final decision by the day of last arrival (September 1st). And based on the university policy, I lost my place in the program automatically by not showing up on time.

I started the application in May, made an appointment in July 24th to get the interview in person. I'm not sure if it was too late to have my interview, or they simply worked very slowly. I heard people online talking about they got granted within the same month after the interview.

Next steps and some other thoughts

I think I will increase the frequency of updating just so the proportion of different contents won't be unbalance, and I would have a fresher memory to write about things as they happen.

It was overly sad for not being able to go to Sweden this year. But going to a concert that I would miss had I gone to Sweden cured some of the existential dread. Maybe it's not all bad. Things are just different.

Thanks to Javi to introduce me to a professor at Beijing University, who also happen to be very nice to allow me to audit for two classes - Game and Art & Art Theories. I liked to complain how overpriced West Lafayette housing is. After I started looking for housing in Beijing, did I realize it could be worse.

Not much is settled at the moment, trying to find interns. I'm not particularly fond of even trying to apply to mega corporations. But my sister has been advocating that idea wholeheartedly. This gives me anxiety.

But anyway, I shall stop and hope this is not too lengthy for an update. I will write again when it gets colder.

Out of Mind

2024-10-27T00:00:00Z

Year: 2024
Role: Solo Dev
Made with Godot
itch.io: https://jun1015.itch.io/out-of-mind

Out of Mind is a 2d platformer puzzle game and was made for a 48-hour gamejam hosted by Independent Game Developer Club, with the theme “out of sight”. The player will play as a “broken” robot to explore the underworld with limited visibility.

Initially, I planned to use Ink as the narrative engine, but then I found there is no updated integration. So I have to step back and use a plugin for the narrative design.

There are some potential to expand the story and polish details. But time flew fast during the game jam :C

Days of Athens

2024-10-27T00:00:00Z

Year: 2024
Role: Solo Dev
Made with Twine
itch.io: https://yaoyaoyt.itch.io/greece

Days of Athens is more of a fun interactive travel blog than actual games. You are presented with a record of activities I did in Greece and a small writing piece on the absurdity of traveling.

Learning Twine was one of my top priorities, so I intentionally removed branches from the narrative structure. Here’s the screenshot of Twine and some writing examples! (I really love Greece >:3)

For I just threw my existence out of my dreams

2024-01-29T00:00:00Z

Year: 2024
Role: Solo Dev
Made with Unity
itch.io: https://yaoyaoyt.itch.io/existence

Make them laugh, at least for their birthday, would you?

Other Info:

I used Ink as the additional writing software.

Learning the software was a lot of fun, but I made too much fun out of it, so I couldn’t finish my game.

If you wonder what the game’s mechanics are, you will probably realize there are just no mechanics.

Recreating the animal crossing sound effects based on this was a lot of fun as well.

Special thanks to Trever Mock Tutorial on both the Dialogue System and Ink

(Narrative) Design Process:

*Considering how little work I’ve done on another part of design during this game jam, it is questionable whether this is a game.”

I have two friends having their birthday during the week and an old friend who absolutely hates their birthday. As the theme goes towards Make Me Laugh, the idea of using Laugh as the “end” popped up.

I realize “laugh” is a complex idea because we usually laugh even when we are not happy; sometimes, we would even laugh at morally grey jokes. Are those laughs justifiable? But considering this project’s scope, I decided to branch off that and use Laugh as a tool to examine one’s existence.

Post-Mortem

This project went wild in terms of the scope. I initially planned the game as a puzzle game with choices but time went short right after I implemented the narrative system. Due to time and other responsibilty, I have to stop at this point at call this a interactive poetry.

Finding Blossom in Autumn

2023-12-09T00:00:00Z

Year: 2023
Role: Solo Dev
Made with Godot
itch.io: https://yaoyaoyt.itch.io/find-blossom-in-autumn

Would you kindly know more about this game and tell me how you feel about this? Bioshock presented its ultimate narrative challenge on our free will. Inspired by that theme, I attempted to try it myself in this game jam! (If you didn’t get the reference of Bioshock here, I highly recommend you try it out! It’s worth your time!)

The theme of the game jam is Blossom. Walking outdoors, I noticed the weather changed from summer to autumn. It was a strange time of the year when there were green and fallen leaves simultaneously. After seeing the wind sweeping leaves away, I decided to make a game by picking up leaves.

This simple task turned out to be a great way to tell the story about free will. You are asked to find the flower underneath the pile of leaves. You have a narrator talk with you. They are telling you that there is a flower somewhere. But you do not necessarily know if that’s true. Later, I found out that this game started to resemble Stanley Parable when the narrator heavily influences the player’s decision (but my game is relatively linear, though.)

Lightkeeper

2023-08-27T00:00:00Z

Year: 2023
Role: Narrative Designer / Gameplay Designer Made with Unity
itch.io: https://heyacfox.itch.io/lightkeeper

This was made for Adventure Jam 2023 in 14 days. My duty was to participate in the early concept building, design the story structure, design the structure of the combat system, and write dialogue.

This is my first time teaming up with people from the industry, rather than someone I know in person. Communication becomes harder and easier at the same time. Hard in the sense that I needed more time to understand my teammates’ personalities, and easy in the sense that they are experienced game devs and know how to communicate concisely.

Before this, I never worked in a consistent development. Those were either class projects that it’s hard to expect everyone to work equally hard, or sole gamejams, whose scopes were largely dependent on my own will.

During this project, I learned a lot from Nathan, the producer and programmer in our team. Sometimes, I spent too much effort to make “the best story” and “design choices”, while forgetting the importance of experimenting and communicating. And Nathan reminded me these to put be back on track.

海 – Friend from the past

2023-08-27T00:00:00Z

Year: 2023
Role: Game Developer / Narrative Designer Made with Bitsy
Itch.io:

CH: https://yaoyaoyt.itch.io/friendfromthepast
EN: https://yaoyaoyt.itch.io/friend-from-the-past

Me and another narrative designer made this game during Veritas China 2023.

The theme for this game was Friendship. So we decided to tell a story showing that the beginning of a friendship will eventually have its ending. But we twisted this idea to a more environmentalist narrative: How will the friendship between the seas and humans be like in the face of pollution?

As a lightweight web-based game engine, Bitsy could only provide limited features (2 frame animations/8-bit sound effects). However, we still implemented new narrative approaches, such as environment animation and changes in the player character.

Working with a teammate from the fine arts field is subtle. They are talented in producing and communicating ideas in a way that I would not think of ever. But at the same time, I have to nail down their big pictures into functional game mechanics.

Old Games (Archive)

2023-01-01T00:00:00Z

Ramen Tycoon

Year: 2023
Role: Solo Developer
Made with Godot
Itch: https://yaoyaoyt.itch.io/ramen-tycoon

This is a clicker game I made for a 48-hour game jam. More instructions on how to play this is on the Itch Page.

I was an avid fan of Cookie Clicker and Melvor Idle, and I found I had much more fun while I was actively clicking instead of waiting for the numbers to grow behind the scenes. With that in mind, I designed this clicker game that will ask you to keep clicking; otherwise, you won’t progress! (Spoiler: you are clicking for the upgrades for most of the time!)

Moo Stars

Year: 2023
Role: Solo Developer
Made with Godot
Itch: https://yaoyaoyt.itch.io/moostar

In Moo Stars, you play as many cows (moo!). By collecting sunglasses, you gain more cows in your team, but stars eliminate any cows in their path. This game features a progressive difficulty curve and challenges the player to survive as long as possible.

DiceNake

Year: 2022
Role: Game Designer; Programmer (Team with 3 other 3D Artists)
Made with Unreal Engine 4
Itch: https://yaoyaoyt.itch.io/dicenake

DiceNake is designed as a variation of Snake combined with the theme of a game of chance. This was made for the GMTK Game Jam within 48 hours. While inheriting the original Snake, players can collect different types of dice to improve their stats (move speed, score, and shuffling rate).