Food Saves Disappointment

I drew a tarot card, and it says disappointment, five of cups. I don't know what is the object of the disappointment. Did someone disappoint me? Did I disappoint someone? I might have disappointed myself at some point.

Being chronically single has mutated my observational and imaginative skills. I often conduct value judgement on couples on why it's worthy for them to be together. But this imagination should fail, since I don't have access to the worthiness of a relationship beyond the appearance. I don't want to admit I've judging people's appearance on the street, but that seems to be the case.

I also don't know how I should feel about friends getting together romantically. My feelings are a combination of: 1) "Awww, that's so sweet. I think they will match". 2) "I'm jealous now"(not because I'm also attracted by any of my friends(or both?), but because something nice and sweet is about to happen to them.) 3) "WTF"(Yea, why this kind of things don't happen to me, where is my rose-colored life? I'm disappointed by myself, because I never meet that many people anyway.) It was a complex and also not so positive feeling.

I also questioned myself why I spent 3 hours stuck on a writing assignment when it felt like obvious to anyone in the class today. I still think there is more nuance than the obvious answers they give me. But I feel bad to not be able to communicate those nuance to them to show there are actually something worth thinking about.

So I was disappointed, tired, and sad.

But I ate good food. I started to love my life again.

It was magical.