A Null Moon with Null Life

Hey.

The tree in front my window dropped nearly all of its leaves in a week. The sunless winter struck Uppsala faster than I could ever imagine. I've complained about this as much as possible - why is the sky dark at 4 PM?

Supposedly, reading Stoicism helps with mental health, because they teach you how to regulate your emotions. I'm three chapters in Aurelius's Meditations and I've reached the Ataraxia - a state of mind without pain, disturbance, and animalistic desire.

Every emotion felt two worlds away from my life. I'm neither happy, nor sad. I'm just here, with some work to do and book to read. Sometimes I just want to kill time, the weekends has been painfully long for me - too much time to kill. And yet I can't fully do whatever I want because I have work to do.

Despite I committed time to work and still kept distracting myself with random things, e.g. researching about the Gamer Gate (again), larping the dialogue in Deadlock, vibing with the OST for Silent Hill 2 Remake, finding PS3 Emulator to play ICO. I think I've succeed in the side endeavors. But not so much for the upcoming presentation and soon-going-due paper.

Nonetheless, I can talk a lot about the Gamer Gate. I found interesting character writings in Deadlock. I reboot my passion to empathize with Silent Hill 2, again, for better or for worse. And I did setup the emulator to play ICO. So it's not fruitless.

Uppsala during the last two weeks has been like Silent Hill for real - a grim European town with fogs and no sun. People were so distant their existence stopped mattering. Looping Beneath the Null Moon from the OST certainly didn't help with that recognition.

But writing this does make me appreciate my life more. As it is brilliantly written in Deadlock: Bet you secretly have the heart of a poet, and are just waiting for the world to be a little kinder.

Deadlock is a gem. But I'm not sure if I want get into to the rabbit hole of competitive shooter.