Feeling Crush

I do not know what a post about the feeling of a crush means on a professional website. On one hand, who cares about professionalism? On the other hand, oh, I'm so getting into trouble with this.

Anyway, I had a crush recently and it didn't go well. Every time I have a crush on someone, I think about them uncontrollably. The absence of attention saddens me, and any signs of care cheer me up. If they liked me back, it would be the best. But that has only happened once for me.

Anyway, I meant to share some of Andrzej Sapkowski's work, namely The Witcher: Sword of Destiny, which was translated by David French. Whenever a crush doesn't work out for me, I'm immediately reminded of these two paragraphs.

‘I always thought it(Jun note: being in love) was a beautiful and noble state of mind, noble and dignified, even if it makes one unhappy. After all, I’ve composed so many ballads about it. And it is organic, Geralt, meanly and heartbreakingly organic. Someone who is ill or who has drunk poison might feel like this. Because like someone who has drunk poison, one is prepared to do anything in exchange for an antidote. Anything. Even be humiliated.’

‘Yes. I feel humiliated, humiliated by having confessed everything to you, disregarding the dignity that demands one suffers in silence. By the fact that my confession caused you embarrassment. I feel humiliated by the fact that you’re embarrassed. But I couldn’t have behaved any differently. I’m powerless. At your mercy, like someone who’s bedridden. I’ve always been afraid of illness, of being weak, helpless, hopeless and alone. I’ve always been afraid of sickness, always believing it the worst thing that could befall me…’

I adore the portrait of losing control being in love. Someday, someday, I will be a philosopher of love while struggling to date.